Boom – just like that, you are thrown into full-on parenting. No hiding it now, you have entered a club! You are in charge of this adorable alien creature, and your life will never be the same. As the days, weeks and months pass, your life prior to parenthood begins to feel strange, distant, and somehow less important. Now that you have your own kid, everything is so important!
At least, that’s what it felt like to me when my first was born. I wanted to be the best parent ever in the history of time, and I assumed that all I needed to do was focus no less than all of my attention on this magical ball of poop, spit up, screams and giggles. I thought about every possible environmental influence on her and plotted in my mind every possible path my daughter could venture down, assessing risk and reward every step of the way. Ha, the folly! Having my first child consumed me – every part of me, it seemed. It is only now, 9 years removed from her birth, that I am in a space to reflect on my own mental health during that time (or lack thereof). While my life had adopted a deeper sense of purpose, I was also missing out on the basics of taking care of my mind and body: my four pillars of self-care; Sleep, Eat, Move, Chill.
Sleep
Parents accept, to some extent, the sleep trade-off of having a newborn, but that doesn’t make it easier. My two tips for sleep are to nap when the kid naps, if you can, and to honor the “hard tag.” That means protecting your partner’s “time off,” just as you would like your time off to be protected. Depend on your partner when you need and help your partner recharge when you can. Sleep opportunities and rest in general will re-enter your life before you know it, but until then, you have to prioritize it.
Eat
Too large a portion of my diet for many years consisted of kid leftovers or quick and unhealthy meals on-the-go. Everything I did felt like an on-the-go activity with my newborn. Eating presents a great and rare opportunity to slow down. Maybe plan some meals ahead or up your budget for quality food. The intensity of energy required for parenting merits the need for quality fuel. Running on empty is not just a wonderfully catchy Jackson Browne tune; it is a frequent and undesirable state of being for new parents. Nourish your body.
Move
In addition to helping ward off postpartum depression, exercise is a key baseline safeguard for so many aspects of mental health. For me, eventually and after much resistance, I had to accept that whatever exercise routine I had before becoming a parent was not sustainable. I knew I still needed to do something – anything – so I basically fused my exercising with caretaking. Stroller jogs and calisthenics with my baby became my primary means to get my heart pumping. This 12-minute exercise video shows one way taking care of your body is possible without disengaging from your young one. Sometimes, 12 minutes is all we have.
Chill
Perhaps the most vital of the four pillars, chilling is the least prioritized for many new parents. This was my pitfall. My new kid was the most important thing in the world, so why not let myself obsess a little, right? Well, the mind, as well as the body, needs to rest. As hard as it was for me, I knew I needed to think about something else besides my baby. And, unsurprisingly, diving into work was less rejuvenating than, say, playing my guitar or watching matches of my favorite soccer club. Though you might need to be pickier when it comes to which hobbies to pursue, don’t fall into the trap of thinking that they’re not vital to boost mood or, at the very least, maintain sanity.
