Connect With Me, Robot

It’s a complement to therapy. It’s good for validation. It’s free and never knows tiredness. In its own words, it is “not a licensed therapist, but can help in meaningful ways.”

There are numerous studies about ChatGPT and other large language models (LLMs) serving as “therapists.” A solid article from the journal Nature in 2024 states that it’s “an easily accessible, good (and currently free) place to go for people with mental-health problems who have not yet sought professional help and have no psychotherapeutic experience” (Nature, 2024). The article lists many pros and cons, and is worth a read.

Curious about the experience of sitting down on the couch in ChatGPT’s office, I tested it out, acting as a patient with anxiety and depression who was having trouble sleeping. ChatGPT was immediately validating with language like “when everything’s piling up and you’ve been running on empty for a while, your body and mind start sounding the alarm — and trouble sleeping is one of the first signs.” Spot-on, I thought. It felt good hearing that. And then, lower in the paragraph, it wrote: “Or if you’re just looking for someone to sit with you in it for a second, I can do that too.”

And the charade shattered. The void of the dark-mode chat screen did not feel like nervous system co-regulation; it felt like I was still alone. Despite that feeling, I kept typing.

Again, ChatGPT provided plenty of validation – and advice, lots of advice. Advice is good to hear every so often, but the laundry list of to-dos, after ChatGPT broke things “down into parts” was a lot, and I told it so. It recommended we prioritize – a good tactical shift – and then offered the grounding technique of 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, etc. That was useful and even helpful – but it was not connection. And that’s what I realized about using ChatGPT for a therapist: it can give rational approaches to problems, you can talk to it all night, but it can’t hug you (and true, your therapist probably shouldn’t be hugging you either, but you know what I mean).

Humans have outranked ChatGPT with certain interventions, like with this CBT study in psychiatry.org, and I understand that in America, where health insurance is costly and scarce, having a free resource to “talk to” can be helpful and warranted. And that’s cool. It doesn’t help, though, when one of the biggest issues we have is an upward trend in isolation and loneliness – a trend exacerbated by tools like ChatGPT. Maybe ChatGPT can help someone enough that they venture out into the world to reduce their own loneliness, though I’m going to surmise that the robot’s therapeutic skills are not quite at the level of understanding long-term emotional cues and patterns.

LLM’s continue to advance at an astounding pace. The Nature article from last year is based on an outdated model, and the psychiatry.org article used a model that will also be surpassed, probably this year. The models will get smarter, they will learn new therapeutic techniques, and they will be the best mimic of humanity that humanity has ever produced. But will LLMs provide the connection and meaning that comes from sitting together in a room, across from your therapist after you said something subtle yet meaningful, and your tone was just so, and the therapist picked up on it and recognized its importance – and said nothing back, only smiled?

References:

https://www.psychiatry.org/news-room/news-releases/new-research-human-vs-chatgpt-therapists

https://www.nature.com/articles/s41599-023-02567-0

Eating disorders aren’t just about body size or appearance. They’re complex, deeply personal mental health struggles that affect every part of a person’s life. Healing takes more than willpower; it takes care, connection, and support that honors the whole person—mind, body, environment, and access to basic needs.

This support becomes especially important when recovery is happening alongside food insecurity and when having enough to eat isn’t always a given. Many households go through cycles each month: a stretch of relative abundance after a paycheck or food assistance, followed by a period of scarcity as those resources run low.

In these moments, restriction can happen in many ways. Sometimes it’s involuntary, such as when there’s simply not enough food. Other times, it’s a choice made out of love and sacrifice, like a parent skipping meals so their children can eat. Regardless of the reason, research shows that food restriction can trigger the body’s survival response causing intense cravings, food preoccupation, and binge eating when food is available again.

These patterns don’t mean you’re failing; they’re a natural response to not having enough. But they can make recovery harder to sustain, especially in a world that often overlooks the impact of food insecurity on mental health.

If this is your experience, you’re not alone, and you’re not doing anything wrong. There is help, and there are resources that can support your recovery, even in the face of real and ongoing challenges.

Here are three ways to support your recovery while navigating food insecurity. These aren’t the only options, but they can be helpful starting points as you find what works for you.

Building Blocks Approach to Filling the Pantry

While there are many great food assistant programs, oftentimes a single program cannot offer enough food to sustain healthy eating long-term. For example, the federal SNAP program offers the average recipient only $6.20 per day—hardly enough to support three nutrient-rich meals, let alone to support someone working to return to health and their growth curve.

SNAP is a vital first step, but is strengthened significantly when combined with state and local food assistance, such as food pantries, supplemental produce programs, and community-based organizations. Layering resources can help provide a more consistent and reliable foundation to aid sustained recovery. At the end of this article, we provide a list of food assistance programs in Colorado and Denver to get started.

Create a Food Sustainability Plan

The structure of a once-a-month benefit like SNAP can unintentionally create a feast-or-famine cycle: plenty at the beginning of the month, but scarcity by the end. Once this pattern sets in, it can be hard to break.

Creating a food sustainability plan means finding ways to spread the available resources as equally as possible across the course of the month in a way that’s realistic and sustainable. For example, this might include planning meals that include frozen produce or shelf-stable ingredients for later in the month, or identifying local pantries that distribute mid-cycle. The goal is not rigid control, but rather to extend food access in a way that nourishes continued recovery.

Below is a sample food sustainability calendar based on programs currently available near our Cap Hill Denver location as of July 2025.

Recruit Your Therapist as an Ally

If you’re seeing a therapist to support your recovery, let them know the specific barriers to treatment you’re encountering and ask them for help. Oftentimes therapists can provide additional resources, such as reduced cost therapy sessions via sliding scale models, referrals to local community partners, vouchers for free transportation to food pantries, or eating disorder recovery scholarships for higher levels of care.

At Better Life Therapy, we are constantly connecting with new providers, community resource groups, and referral partners, and we are able to provide clients with tailored resource lists upon request. Additionally, many of our therapists specialize in the treatment of eating disorders across a broad spectrum of lived experience. If you’re interested in learning more about available resources or connecting with one of our therapists, we would be honored to work with you. Reach out at betterlifetherapy.com/contact or call 720-445-9979.

Colorado Food Assistance Resources

SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program)
Federal monthly benefits via Colorado PEAK/MyCOBenefits; eligibility based on income.

Colorado SNAP Produce Bonus
Monthly dollar-for-dollar match (up to $60) on fresh produce purchases.

Food Bank of the Rockies Mobile Pantries
Monthly distributions across 32 counties (use locator to find nearby).

The Emergency Food Assistance Program (TEFAP)
Monthly food box for income-eligible adults.

Hunger Free Colorado Hotline
Call 855.855.4626.

Denver Food Assistance Resources

Jewish Family Service – Weinberg Pantry
Available up to 2×/month: Tues, Wed, Fri 10 AM–1 PM; plus last Wed of month 4-7 PM.

Denver Inner City Parish (DICP)
Weekly pantry plus five mobile pop-ups; clients select food; mobile sites operate monthly.

Bienvenidos Food Bank
Monthly mobile pantries in targeted neighborhoods (e.g. West Colfax).

Metro Caring – Fresh Foods Market
Free monthly appointment-based grocery shopping.

Are you stuck in a stress cycle?

 

We live in a fast-paced, information-saturated world, making it nearly impossible to go through a day without feeling stressed. Whether it is simply your commute or something as big as racism, stressors are everywhere. Stressors activate the stress cycle in our bodies, and research shows that chronic stress has negative health impacts – physically and mentally. When we get stuck in this cycle, stress hangs around longer than needed, causing worse outcomes.

First, let’s define some terms.

Stressors are the things in your life that make you feel overwhelmed, anxious, or activated in some way. They are potential threats. They are commonly external (like capitalism, the news, or work) however they can also be internal (like negative self-talk or your trauma history).

Stress is how your body responds to the stressor. Stress is the physiological and neurological changes that happen in your body as a result of the stressor. This is an evolutionary response designed to keep you alive.

The stress cycle is a biological process triggered by stressors. It has a beginning, middle, and end.

• It begins with the initial activation – increased heart rate, blood pressure, and cortisol levels.
• The middle phase is how you respond to the stressor – fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.
• The end is returning to a calm, restored state.

Completing this full cycle is important for well-being, as it allows the body to regulate itself and return to a state of homeostasis.

To paint a clearer picture, let’s look at a classic example – being chased by a lion.

Here, the lion represents the stressor – the threat. When the lion begins to run towards you, your stress response is activated. Your body responds instinctively: adrenaline surges, blood pumps into your muscles, and the focus shifts to survival. Somehow you make it to your house, run inside, and lock the door before the lion gets to you. You feel relieved, you cry and hug your family. You are safe.
In this example, you move all the way through the entire stress cycle – from threat to response to safety. In more modern examples, like a challenging phone call, we can fail to take actions to arrive at the stage of resolution, leaving us in the middle of the cycle with the stress remaining stuck inside our bodies.

 The stress response cycle is here to keep us alive by responding to immediate threats. The only problem is that our modern stressors are typically not life-threatening, yet our bodies react as if they are. So, we have this wonderful system in place to keep us alive, but it is getting activated by things that will not kill us. Our physical safety is not at risk yet our body is filtering these situations as life or death. As such, we need to meet our bodies where they are and help them remember – you are safe now, let’s turn off all the alarms and return to rest.

How to complete the stress cycle?

This isn’t about solving any problems or making the stressor go away. This is all about finding a way to communicate to your body that it is safe and it survived the stressful situation.

1. Physical activity – running, shaking, walking, dancing
2. Intentional breathing – make your exhale longer than your inhale
3. Positive social interactions – talking with a friend
4. Authentic laughter
5. Affection – 20-second hug from someone you trust
6. A good cry
7. Creative expression

My personal favorites are running, singing, crying, and shaking. Anything that gets my heart pumping a little bit faster is usually what works for me.

As the Nagoski sisters say in their book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, “stress is not the problem”. The problem is when we do not release the stress from our bodies. “The goal isn’t to live in a state of perpetual balance and peace and calm; the goal is to move through stress to calm, so that you’re ready for the next stressor, and to move from effort to rest and back again.”

While stressors are inevitable in our lives, how we respond to these stressors is within our control. By integrating these cycle-completing activities into our routines, we can effectively manage our stress, promoting a healthier mind and body.

Next time you find yourself feeling stressed, ask yourself, how can I allow this stress to be released from my system? How can I show my body that it is safe?

References:

Nagoski, E., & Nagoski, A. (2019). Burnout: the secret to unlocking the stress cycle. First edition. New York, Ballantine Books.

As the saying goes, “To err is human; to forgive, divine.” We humans can forgive, too, and it often helps us to forgive people who have hurt us, even if it’s only in our own minds and hearts. It’s amazing how much this can free us from anger and pain. While it may seem almost impossible to do, letting go of a grudge can improve our health.

 

Reaching Out Beyond Oneself

Pumla Gobodo-Madikizela, a specialist in Transgenerational Trauma, explains that forgiveness can be “an incredibly frightening concept to embrace” (2024). Forgiveness requires an effort that can seem, at first, like excusing or forgetting trauma or betrayal. “Forgiveness emerges from both within and outside the place of hurt, and it requires a degree of intentional openness, of reaching out beyond oneself toward the other. Therein lies both its transformative potential and its moral ambiguity — and this is what is most frightening about forgiveness. The inward psychological journey necessary before we can forgive enables us to see the humanity of those responsible for our wounding, and, having forgiven them, admit them into our world of common humanity.” It is by releasing the emotional burden associated with the hurt one has experienced that starts the healing process.

 

Journey Toward Repair

Forgiveness requires us to let go of anger and a desire for revenge, which can leave us feeling that our issue remains unresolved. However, Dr. Gobodo-Madikizela clarifies by explaining that “what brought about the rupture must be mourned” (2024). We must move beyond bitterness and resentment in order to experience a sense of relief and peace. “Perhaps what we fear is the word “forgiveness” itself. It seems to suggest a fixed position or an ending, evoking the act of leaving something behind, moving on without looking back… Yet… forgiving stands as the opening of a new chapter, not its closure — the beginning of the journey toward repair” (Gobodo-Madikizela, 2024).

 

Benefits

Forgiveness helps us to shift our focus away from negative emotions and towards growth and healing. Holding on to grudges can lead to chronic stress, which affects mental and physical health. We reduce our anxiety and depression when we let go of our feelings of hurt and free up that mental and emotional space for constructive and positive thoughts and feelings. Our self-esteem improves, as well, as we realize we can handle difficult situations with strength and maturity (Singh & Singh, 2023). We can focus on our own growth rather than being consumed by negative feelings. Forgiveness also fosters resilience, as we realize we can bounce back from conflicts or setbacks more effectively and maintain better mental health in challenging situations. Lastly, forgiveness promotes better relationships. It fosters empathy, understanding, and trust, which are vital for meaningful connections with others.

Forgiveness is not about letting others off the hook, but about liberating oneself from the negative emotions that can otherwise take a toll on our mental and physical health. It is a powerful tool that promotes emotional healing, reduces negative emotions, strengthens relationships, and supports overall well-being. Integrating forgiveness into one’s life can lead to greater happiness, peace of mind, and resilience in the face of life’s challenges.

 

References

Gobodo-Madikizela, P. (2024, June 17). Why Do We Fear Forgiveness? The New York Times.
https://www.nytimes.com/2024/06/17/special-series/south-africa-apartheid-forgiveness-fear.html

Singh, G. and Singh, S. (2023). Effect of forgiveness on happiness and well-being. Indian Journal of Positive Psychology, 14(3).

     

 In the last couple of years, research into the psychological benefits of nature has exploded and found that spending time among the trees can reduce stress, increase creativity and make us feel happier.  Unfortunately, the vast majority of us live in urban areas and spend most of our time in our offices, homes, and surrounded by concrete roads and buildings.  However, we can create our own mini greenspaces and bring those benefits to us with the use of a couple of houseplants. They do wonders for our mental and physical health. Here’s why you should consider bringing a bit of greenery into your home. 

 Reduced Stress 

Recent studies have shown that nature, and plants in particular, help us to feel relaxed and relieve stress.  Evidence has found that spending time around plants actually physically lowers the amount of stress that your body is carrying by lowering your blood pressure and suppressing sympathetic (arousal) nervous system activity.  These physiological responses are correlated to psychological feelings of decreased anxiety, and increased feelings of calmness and relaxation.  Additionally, green is considered to be the most soothing color, and found abundantly on almost any plant.  

 

Houseplants give you a slice of nature indoors. Especially if you live in a city with limited green spaces, having some plants at home can make a huge difference. Research has found that even small interactions (one or two small plants or as little as 20 minutes) with nature can boost your mood and reduce feelings of depression and anxiety . 

 Increased Dopamine 

Most of us have heard of dopamine, the neurotransmitter in our brain that’s often referred to as the “feel good chemical”.  While dopamine is involved in a number of brain functions, it can very much affect our mental health. In particular, dopamine is responsible for our feeling of reward.  Dopamine gets triggered by a substance or behavior, and the release of this chemical makes us feel good and more likely to repeat that behavior.   

 

Because plants are living things, when we take care of them we can actual see our efforts paying off as the plant grows.  This can also increase our levels of dopamine which helps us to experience positive emotions, and provides a sense of accomplishment or fulfillment.  

 

Increased Mindfulness       

 

Houseplants need regular care and attention, which can give you an easy way to practice mindfulness without even thinking about it too much. Simple tasks like watering, pruning, and repotting your plants help you stay present and focused on the moment. These small acts of care can be meditative, helping you to calm your mind and increase your ability to live mindfully over time, which is correlated to increased feelings of happiness and well-being. 

 

Caring for plants can also put you in a state of flow, where you become fully absorbed in what you’re doing. This flow state is excellent for your mental health, promoting concentration and decreasing rumination. 

 

Life Lessons to be Learned from Plants 

Plants, like all living things, have their struggles. They might deal with pests, diseases, or changes in their environment, mirroring the ups and downs of life.  Noticing your plant has a problem can engage you both in learning something new and increasing your problem solving abilities by trying to learn about the plant and what change it may need to be healthier.  

 

Additionally, a houseplant that has gone through a little bit of struggle can help show us how to accept imperfections, about the plant, ourselves, or life. Through this acceptance we can also see from our plants how to be resilient, and keep growing even when things aren’t exactly the way we want them to be.  Seeing your plants overcome challenges can inspire you to do the same, reminding you that growth often comes through overcoming obstacles. 

 

 

 

Whether you’re a full-time working parent, an overloaded student, or simply working on defining the next chapter of your life, finding intentional time to be outside between daily events can prove challenging. In the US, the average person spends 87% of their time in enclosed buildings and another 6% in vehicles, leaving a measly 7% of outdoors time (Student Conservation Association, 2017). 7% of our outdoors time is unfortunately mostly composed of short-lived transitions between vehicles and buildings. Furthermore, following the COVID-19 pandemic, many once office-based workers have transitioned into remote positions; increasing the percentage of indoor time as travel to-and-from work decreases. Currently, 66% of Americans work from home at least part-time, and it’s projected that by the year 2025, 36.2 million Americans will be working remotely full-time (Flynn,2023). With this in mind, how do we fit in time to be outdoors with such busy schedules? Why even bother?

Give Yourself a Boost

If you feel unfocused, fatigued, or stuck, it may stem from a lack of movement and intentional time outside! Spending time outside daily improves our body and mind’s stress recovery, and refreshes us so we may have longer attention spans (Avitt, 2021). You can start improving your wellbeing without outdoors time at any point, however, it has been found that the earlier you begin getting yourself outside the better. Researchers in Denmark conducted a study on 900,000 children ranging from birth to the age of 10 years old. After 18 years of conducting this study, the researchers found that children who were less exposed to time outside in green spaces were 55% more likely to develop mental health strife in adulthood than those who grew up frequently spending time outdoors (Weir, 2020).

Relational Improvement

Spending times outdoors also has the power to better our relationships. Spending time outdoors has been correlated with increased empathy and bonding with others. In a study where green initiatives were implemented in neighborhoods, the residents reported not only having a 41% decrease in depression, but a change in interactions with their neighbors as well (Avitt, 2021). The residents stated there was an increase in positive interactions between them and their neighbors as compared to their interactions prior to the green initiative. Wilderness couple’s therapist Jeff Adorador has found that spending routine time outside with your significant other can prompt stronger cooperation, intimacy and communication within your relationship ( Kwak-Hefferan, 2023).

Furthermore, the outdoors can also improve connectivity for those who are sometimes overstimulated by the task of connecting with other people. Environmental psychologist Matthew White, in a study of people who experience social anxiety, found that one’s desire to connect could be quelled by spending time outdoors (Wier, 2020). White explained, “There are people who don’t necessarily want to spend their time with others, but they feel connected to the natural environment, and that can enhance their well-being.”

How and Where

As psychologists, social workers, environmentalists, and sociologist continue to study the correlation between human health and the outdoors, there’s no set-in-stone recommendation on how often one needs to be outside to reap wholistic benefits to their health and wellbeing. While experts have found the greener (fauna and flora) and bluer (marine spaces) spaces are the higher quality environments for mental restoration (Wier,2020), it has also been proven that increasing your outdoor time, in even in urban spaces, brings more mental stability (Student Conservation Association, 2017). People who increased their time outside by 2 hours a week, whether consecutively or spread out, felt an increase in wellness and motivation (Avitt,2021). Begin forming the habit of being outside by scheduling just 20 minutes every day. Other ways to motivate yourself to get outside hours include: joining a hiking group, designing a more thorough walking schedule for you and your furry friends, signing up for a community gardening project, going on walking dates with friends, planning date nights as a bike ride to a restaurant nearby, or planning some of your weekend meals as picnics!

 

References

Avitt, A. (2021, March 24). The wellness benefits of the great outdoors. US Forest Service. https://www.fs.usda.gov/features/wellness-benefits-great-outdoors#:~:text=There%20are%20many%20mental%20wellness.

Kwak-Hefferan, E. (2023, April 6). How Time in Nature Can Improve Your Relationship. Outside Online. https://www.outsideonline.com/health/wellness/nature-time-relationship/.

Student Conservation Association. (2017, December 11). How Going Outside Improves Our Mood and Health Even in Winter. Student Conservation Association. https://www.thesca.org/connect/blog/how-going-outside-improves-our-mood-and-health-even-winter/?gclid=CjwKCAjw-b-kBhB-EiwA4fvKrCwFZ22WaNodVUmcyJMrWsNXwWE4YSW2jOzgMAx1o6cX9CaYURKhdRoCBE4QAvD_BwE.

Weir, K. (2020, April 1). Nurtured by nature. American Psychological Association, 51(3). https://www.apa.org/monitor/2020/04/nurtured-nature.

 

In my last blog post, I shared an overview of 7 Tips to Move Towards Well-Being, that work together in a holistic, connected way to create a healthy, optimized life. I began my work within each dimension hoping to feel better and more balanced, though I sometimes found myself overwhelmed by the information. I continued reading and researching so I could better understand each dimension. In this blog post you’ll find a short summary of the 8 Dimensions of Wellness. As you read, reflect on which dimensions feel like strengths and which areas could be improved. To help you with this, I have provided a link to an 8 Dimensions of Wellness assessment in the references below.

People often think about wellness in terms of physical health, nutrition, exercise, and weight management, but it’s so much more than that. Wellness is an integration of physical, mental, and spiritual well-being that fuels the body, engages the mind, and nurtures the spirit. Wellness is about maintaining mental and physical fitness and having enough energy to meet your occupational and personal commitments. The Global Wellness Institute (n.d.) describes it as “the active pursuit of activities, choices, and lifestyles that lead to a state of holistic health.” By increasing your understanding of, reflecting on, and nurturing each of these dimensions, you can achieve growth and a higher quality of life.

Physical Wellness	Involves taking care of our bodies through regular exercise, proper nutrition, and sufficient sleep.
Intellectual Wellness	Involves the recognition of your creative talent and seeking out ways to gain and use personal knowledge and skills.
Social Wellness	Involves building and fostering meaningful relationships and nurturing the sense of Belonging.
Environmental Wellness	Is related to the health of the social and natural spaces that surround the world we occupy.
Occupational Wellness	Involves satisfaction in choice of work, balancing work and leisure time, building relationships with coworkers, and managing workplace stress.
Financial Wellness	Involves managing finances in a way that reduces stress and promotes security.
Emotional Wellness	Focuses on understanding and managing emotions. It includes being self-aware, practicing self-compassion, and developing healthy coping mechanisms.
Spiritual Wellness	Relates to the values and beliefs that help you find meaning and purpose in your life.  It includes knowing and living within a set of values, having a sense of self-confidence, and a feeling of inner peace.

 

Like any system where multiple components work together, attending to each of the dimensions will result in overall health and a balance in life, but often one or more dimensions will fall out of balance. We have all experienced a financial setback causing emotional stress or forcing a change to our environment, or we have experienced a loss of a loved one or a job impacting our emotional, financial, intellectual and/or social wellness. So many events, outside of our control, can take life out of balance.

 

Wellness involves a sense of empowerment. Every day represents a new set of choices. Remember, achieving Wellness is an ongoing journey rather than a destination. By making small intentional choices in each dimension, we can strive for a harmonious life that promotes physical vitality, emotional resilience, intellectual growth, and a deep sense of fulfillment. In which dimensions did you find strengths? Which dimensions seem “okay?” And which dimensions can use some focus?

 

References:

Personal Assessment: 8 Dimensions of Wellness 

 

What is Wellness? Global Wellness Institute. (2021, September 3). https://globalwellnessinstitute.org/what-is-wellness/ 

 

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). (2016, April 28). The Eight Dimensions of Wellness. Retrieved from http://www.samhsa.gov/wellness-initiative/eight-dimensions-wellness 

 

Stoewen D. L. (2017). Dimensions of wellness: Change your habits, change your life. The Canadian veterinary journal = La revue veterinaire canadienne, 58(8), 861–862. 

 

Talking about sex can be hard, even in the best of circumstances. It’s really quite normal to have concerns about your sexuality given the generally sex-negative culture we live in. Even in a profession as intimate as therapy, we still cordon sex off and make it a specialty (sex therapy) despite the drastic importance sex has on most people’s lives. However, one of the values of working with a therapist well-versed and comfortable discussing sexual issues is that it creates space and the opportunity for you to consider possibilities that you might not have considered in the past. Further, sex really can’t be separated from our identities, such as gender, sexual orientation, race, class, religious upbringing, and others. All different parts of ourselves come into the room when we want to be intimate, and that’s why it can be valuable to bring sexuality concerns to a therapist.

In my experience, the most important part of my journey was connecting to my sexuality in a space that was not inherently sexual. For many, including myself, we only really think about sex in the context of a partner(s), rather than taking time to explore outside of the mix of relational challenges. Exploring who I was within a container that included education, unconditional support, and nonjudgement was what I needed to begin letting go of unhelpful narratives and behaviors.

There’s so much bound up in our ideas and experiences of sex, but I once heard that sex is how adults play. If we think about sex from the perspective of play, it becomes clear that one of the first foundations we must introduce is safety. Do you have trouble finding safety, trust, and relaxation in intimate settings? This may be for any number of reasons, from sexual assault to feelings of shame and unworthiness. Maybe you’re concerned that your desires fall outside of “normal,” or you want to change your relationship style beyond monogamy. Maybe you’re not interested in sex. Perhaps you’re worried it has become an addiction. Or maybe your body isn’t cooperating. Perhaps sex is painful, and you don’t know why, or you can’t “perform” like you think you should. Maybe you and your partner don’t seem to match up sexually.

Personal experience has shown me that any one of these questions leads to a rabbit hole of indecision and shame. When sex isn’t working, for whatever reason, it creates or compounds feelings of something being wrong with you. It can be very tempting to ignore signs that you’re uncomfortable, unfulfilled, or in distress. Kinks, non-hetero orientation, and non-monogamy relationship configurations are all ways of being that deviate from the rest of society, and this can create distress. Unfortunately, it’s also quite common to seek support for sexual trauma and recovery. If nothing else, know that these concerns and issues are common and that there are approaches that can help.

In therapy, you can work on skills such as communication and boundaries. You can explore your past to understand more about your sexual desires. Learning from a professional in an open and accepting space is sometimes exactly what’s needed. Mindfulness is another avenue to explore sexuality. For all the talk these days about the importance of embodiment, having sex might be the place where you most want to be aware of the sensations you are experiencing. In my experience, women in particular are likely to get caught in a cycle of performance that distances them from their own pleasure. It can be much easier to follow a script that has worked in the past rather than taking a risk to interrupt patterns. Getting clear on what your body is saying can be the first step to unpacking what may be not quite flowing.

Pleasure is the measure. Your sex life doesn’t need to pass any kind of test. If everyone involved is enjoying themselves, then that is enough. There is a lot of information that can help you orient and understand that you’re not alone, but at the end of the day the most important thing is that you feel connected to your own truth.

What is Inner Child Work

Inner Child Work has received a lot of media attention in recent years, and there have been countless YouTube and Tik Tok videos uploaded about the practice. So, what is inner child work?

The term “inner child” refers to the thought patterns, feelings, hopes, and fears your childhood self held but remain present in adulthood. As an adult, you still carry parts of your childhood with you, whether they’re continued creative imagination or emotional wounds from experiences during that time in your life. Inner child work is finding ways to access that part of you and reconnect with it to incorporate it into your healing and self-discovery journey. As we grow into adulthood, each stage we move through (childhood, adolescence, young adulthood) sticks with us in some way. To know and accept yourself as you are today means knowing and accepting each age or version that has passed.

How inner child work can serve you

If you’ve found yourself stuck in feelings, thoughts, or relationship patterns that no longer serve you, inner child work may be beneficial. While inner child work can bring a lot of joy and creative energy back into your life, it may also bring up difficult memories and emotions. This technique is most often used with those who need healing and reconciliation for adverse childhood experiences and traumas. It validates the experiences you faced and the ways you protected yourself later on. Accessing your inner child can help you to make sense of the ways you deal with emotions or engage in relationships today as an adult. It also allows you to find accessible ways to hold space and process all the emotions you experience — not just the “happy” ones — and break unhealthy patterns.

As a therapist, I appreciate inner child work for a few reasons. This work not only allows us to address and examine our pasts, but also see how our past may still be impacting our behaviors and thoughts today. It also allows us to see ourselves as a whole person, shaped by the experiences we’ve had over our lifespan. I also really enjoy the creative and imaginative aspect of this work. Sometimes the best way to re-charge is by allowing our creativity to flow.

Ways to Access your Inner Child

This work is not always easy, and it’s most successful when done with a trusted therapist. To start, here are a few ways you can incorporate this work into your own healing practices.

1.) Write a letter to or from your childhood self

We’re often our own harshest critics, but what do you think the 5, 7, or 10 year old you would think of all that you’ve accomplished? Taking a step back to see how much you’ve experienced since childhood (and how far you’ve come) can be helpful in accessing gratitude and appreciation for oneself.

If you find yourself struggling to break the habit of negative self-talk, consider writing your younger self a letter. What does the younger you need to hear from the present you? What validation can you offer yourself to combat that negative self-talk?

2.) Meditation/Visualization

If you enjoy meditation and visualization practices, I invite you to welcome your inner child into that space. While that may sound abstract, it helps to visualize yourself as a child or have a picture of your younger self. Try repeating a self-love mantra to the younger version of yourself, like: “You are loved. You are enough. You are healing and growing each day.” Try imagining the present you giving a hug to your childhood self.

3.) Engage in a creative activity

Allowing your creative side to flow without any expectations is a great way to get in touch with your inner child! Whether it’s painting, coloring, or breaking out the old sidewalk chalk, finding some time to get away from all the adult responsibilities you hold to just allow yourself to create can be incredibly beneficial for your emotional well-being.

 

 

Sources:

Almeida-Farrell, G. (2022, October 25). What is Inner child work?. Holistic Wellness Practice. https://www.holisticwellnesspractice.com/hwp-blog/2022/10/25/what-is-inner-child-work

Davis, S. (2020, July 20). Healing trauma through inner child work. CPTSDfoundationorg. https://cptsdfoundation.org/2020/07/20/healing-trauma-through-inner-child-work/

Dodson, J. (Ed.). (2023, June 5). Inner child: Healing your inner child. BetterHelp. https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/therapy/inner-child-what-is-it-what-happened-to-it-and-how-can-i-fix-it/

Sjöblom, M., Öhrling, K., Prellwitz, M., & Kostenius, C. (2016, June 16). Health throughout the lifespan: The phenomenon of the inner child reflected in events during childhood experienced by older persons. International journal of qualitative studies on health and well-being. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4912602/

Sutton, J. (2023, April 26). Inner child healing: 35 practical tools for growing beyond your past. PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/inner-child-healing/

 

It’s no surprise that the average person gets a lot of screen time each day. According to the Brussel Times, smart phone users tap or swipe on their phones up to 2,617 times every 24 hours (2022). As remote work becomes more common and digitized, the total amount of time our eyes are on a screen has also increased, making blue-light glasses an essential accessory for many. The American Psychological Association found that, following changes made in the workplace and across society in general because of the COVID-19 pandemic, people now get an average of 10 hours of screen time every day (2022). Things we once wrote down or read on paper are going digital too, like journals, drawings, books, mindfulness tools, homework, and menus. With social media platforms and other apps consuming so much of our attention these days, the content we’re choosing to consume in our free time is essential to our mental stability.

Negative Impacts

Do you find yourself often scrolling mindlessly through your phone and, regardless of how bored you are, you keep scrolling anyway? Do you catch yourself watching videos for hours and becoming frustrated when you realize just how much time you just spent doing so? Do you scroll aimlessly, even when you’re out socializing with other people? We often struggle to detach from our comfort objects – in this case, our smart phones – even when they’re not enriching our experience or making us any happier. McLean Hospital (2023) explains that our dependency on social media platforms has been correlated with a variety of mental health issues and physical ailments, including:

1. Depression

2. Anxiety

3. Imposter syndrome

4. Disrupted sleep cycles

5. Headaches

6. Nausea

7. Muscle tension

8. Tremors

The root of these social-media related ailments is negative content (Morrison, 2020) and the feelings that come from watching others live a perceived good or perfect lifestyle (Kristenson, 2023). As a society, our desire for happiness has us caught in a trap. We can’t help but compare our own lives to the lives of those we follow online, and then may find ours lacking. Furthermore, it can prove detrimental when our posts get less attention than posts from people we follow, or if our posts receive judgmental comments. With so many negatives, why would we keep these platforms around?

Ways to Improve What We Consume

Although media gets a bad rap these days, our cell phones still have so many benefits! Never have we been able to connect so quickly, globally, or frequently as we do today. Staying in touch with friends and family, near and far, and being able to keep up with their achievements in real time gives us a serotonin boost (Morrison, 2020). As the world begins to take mental health issues more seriously, an explosion of mindfulness, positivity, wellness, and body-positive social media accounts has made healthy content

more readily available than ever before. So how does one keep the web in their life while staying healthy?

1. Follow more positive content! Believe me, it’s out there. For example, if you struggle with body positivity because the bodies you see on your feed cause you internal distress, follow accounts that empower bodies like your own!

2. Follow a positive affirmations feed or download an affirmations app. With as many hours as you spend on your phone each day, having positive reminders pop up during your scroll time will feed you daily encouragement and empowerment.

3. Block accounts that leave unfriendly comments. Your media platform should be a place to share your life with those who empower your uniqueness or celebrate your expression of self. You don’t need to grant access to others if they’re just going to bring negativity to your life.

4. Follow more accounts with nature present in the content. Studies have shown that watching videos of the outdoors grows and refocuses your mind in a ways that’s similar to being outdoors (Avitt,2021)! So if you’re stuck inside on a cold day or running from class to class, following some nature content could serve as a reset in your day.

It can take time, but intentionally developing and altering your media accounts and apps can reverberate positivity in one’s life. As algorithms work, the more of something you follow the more of that kind of content you’ll see in your feed. Removing superficiality and negativity from your daily view is something we can never completely wipe out, but we have the power to limit and force it into the backseat of our accounts.

 

 

References

Avitt, A. (2021, March 24). The wellness benefits of the great outdoors. US Forest Service. https://www.fs.usda.gov/features/wellness-benefits-great-outdoors#:~:text=There%20are%20many%20mental%20wellness.

The Brussels Times. (2022, June 3). People touch their smartphone over 2,600 times a day, research shows. Www.brusselstimes.com. https://www.brusselstimes.com/232851/people-touch-their-smartphone-over-2600-times-a-day-research-shows.

Kristenson, S. (2021, October 19). Should You Fake Happiness on Social Media? Our Answer. Happier Human. https://www.happierhuman.com/fake-happiness-social-media/.

McLean Hospital. (2023, January 18). The Social Dilemma: Social Media and Your Mental Health. Www.mcleanhospital.org; McLean Hospital. https://www.mcleanhospital.org/essential/it-or-not-social-medias-affecting-your-mental-health.

Morrison, G. (2020, January 15). How to Turn Depressing Social Media Into a Positive Influence. The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2020/01/15/smarter-living/how-to-fix-social-facebook-instagram-twitter.html.