Are you stuck in a stress cycle?

We live in a fast-paced, information-saturated world, making it nearly impossible to go through a day without feeling stressed. Whether it is simply your commute or something as big as racism, stressors are everywhere. Stressors activate the stress cycle in our bodies, and research shows that chronic stress has negative health impacts – physically and mentally. When we get stuck in this cycle, stress hangs around longer than needed, causing worse outcomes.

First, let’s define some terms.

Stressors are the things in your life that make you feel overwhelmed, anxious, or activated in some way. They are potential threats. They are commonly external (like capitalism, the news, or work) however they can also be internal (like negative self-talk or your trauma history).

Stress is how your body responds to the stressor. Stress is the physiological and neurological changes that happen in your body as a result of the stressor. This is an evolutionary response designed to keep you alive.

The stress cycle is a biological process triggered by stressors. It has a beginning, middle, and end.

• It begins with the initial activation – increased heart rate, blood pressure, and cortisol levels.
• The middle phase is how you respond to the stressor – fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.
• The end is returning to a calm, restored state.

Completing this full cycle is important for well-being, as it allows the body to regulate itself and return to a state of homeostasis.

To paint a clearer picture, let’s look at a classic example – being chased by a lion.

Here, the lion represents the stressor – the threat. When the lion begins to run towards you, your stress response is activated. Your body responds instinctively: adrenaline surges, blood pumps into your muscles, and the focus shifts to survival. Somehow you make it to your house, run inside, and lock the door before the lion gets to you. You feel relieved, you cry and hug your family. You are safe.
In this example, you move all the way through the entire stress cycle – from threat to response to safety. In more modern examples, like a challenging phone call, we can fail to take actions to arrive at the stage of resolution, leaving us in the middle of the cycle with the stress remaining stuck inside our bodies.

 The stress response cycle is here to keep us alive by responding to immediate threats. The only problem is that our modern stressors are typically not life-threatening, yet our bodies react as if they are. So, we have this wonderful system in place to keep us alive, but it is getting activated by things that will not kill us. Our physical safety is not at risk yet our body is filtering these situations as life or death. As such, we need to meet our bodies where they are and help them remember – you are safe now, let’s turn off all the alarms and return to rest.

How to complete the stress cycle?

This isn’t about solving any problems or making the stressor go away. This is all about finding a way to communicate to your body that it is safe and it survived the stressful situation.

1. Physical activity – running, shaking, walking, dancing
2. Intentional breathing – make your exhale longer than your inhale
3. Positive social interactions – talking with a friend
4. Authentic laughter
5. Affection – 20-second hug from someone you trust
6. A good cry
7. Creative expression

My personal favorites are running, singing, crying, and shaking. Anything that gets my heart pumping a little bit faster is usually what works for me.

As the Nagoski sisters say in their book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, “stress is not the problem”. The problem is when we do not release the stress from our bodies. “The goal isn’t to live in a state of perpetual balance and peace and calm; the goal is to move through stress to calm, so that you’re ready for the next stressor, and to move from effort to rest and back again.”

While stressors are inevitable in our lives, how we respond to these stressors is within our control. By integrating these cycle-completing activities into our routines, we can effectively manage our stress, promoting a healthier mind and body.

Next time you find yourself feeling stressed, ask yourself, how can I allow this stress to be released from my system? How can I show my body that it is safe?

References:

Nagoski, E., & Nagoski, A. (2019). Burnout: the secret to unlocking the stress cycle. First edition. New York, Ballantine Books.

 In the last couple of years, research into the psychological benefits of nature has exploded and found that spending time among the trees can reduce stress, increase creativity and make us feel happier.  Unfortunately, the vast majority of us live in urban areas and spend most of our time in our offices, homes, and surrounded by concrete roads and buildings.  However, we can create our own mini greenspaces and bring those benefits to us with the use of a couple of houseplants. They do wonders for our mental and physical health. Here’s why you should consider bringing a bit of greenery into your home. 

 Reduced Stress 

Recent studies have shown that nature, and plants in particular, help us to feel relaxed and relieve stress.  Evidence has found that spending time around plants actually physically lowers the amount of stress that your body is carrying by lowering your blood pressure and suppressing sympathetic (arousal) nervous system activity.  These physiological responses are correlated to psychological feelings of decreased anxiety, and increased feelings of calmness and relaxation.  Additionally, green is considered to be the most soothing color, and found abundantly on almost any plant.  

Houseplants give you a slice of nature indoors. Especially if you live in a city with limited green spaces, having some plants at home can make a huge difference. Research has found that even small interactions (one or two small plants or as little as 20 minutes) with nature can boost your mood and reduce feelings of depression and anxiety . 

 Increased Dopamine 

Most of us have heard of dopamine, the neurotransmitter in our brain that’s often referred to as the “feel good chemical”.  While dopamine is involved in a number of brain functions, it can very much affect our mental health. In particular, dopamine is responsible for our feeling of reward.  Dopamine gets triggered by a substance or behavior, and the release of this chemical makes us feel good and more likely to repeat that behavior.   

Because plants are living things, when we take care of them we can actual see our efforts paying off as the plant grows.  This can also increase our levels of dopamine which helps us to experience positive emotions, and provides a sense of accomplishment or fulfillment.  

Increased Mindfulness       

Houseplants need regular care and attention, which can give you an easy way to practice mindfulness without even thinking about it too much. Simple tasks like watering, pruning, and repotting your plants help you stay present and focused on the moment. These small acts of care can be meditative, helping you to calm your mind and increase your ability to live mindfully over time, which is correlated to increased feelings of happiness and well-being. 

Caring for plants can also put you in a state of flow, where you become fully absorbed in what you’re doing. This flow state is excellent for your mental health, promoting concentration and decreasing rumination. 

Life Lessons to be Learned from Plants 

Plants, like all living things, have their struggles. They might deal with pests, diseases, or changes in their environment, mirroring the ups and downs of life.  Noticing your plant has a problem can engage you both in learning something new and increasing your problem solving abilities by trying to learn about the plant and what change it may need to be healthier.  

Additionally, a houseplant that has gone through a little bit of struggle can help show us how to accept imperfections, about the plant, ourselves, or life. Through this acceptance we can also see from our plants how to be resilient, and keep growing even when things aren’t exactly the way we want them to be.  Seeing your plants overcome challenges can inspire you to do the same, reminding you that growth often comes through overcoming obstacles. 

Whether you’re a full-time working parent, an overloaded student, or simply working on defining the next chapter of your life, finding intentional time to be outside between daily events can prove challenging. In the US, the average person spends 87% of their time in enclosed buildings and another 6% in vehicles, leaving a measly 7% of outdoors time (Student Conservation Association, 2017). 7% of our outdoors time is unfortunately mostly composed of short-lived transitions between vehicles and buildings. Furthermore, following the COVID-19 pandemic, many once office-based workers have transitioned into remote positions; increasing the percentage of indoor time as travel to-and-from work decreases. Currently, 66% of Americans work from home at least part-time, and it’s projected that by the year 2025, 36.2 million Americans will be working remotely full-time (Flynn,2023). With this in mind, how do we fit in time to be outdoors with such busy schedules? Why even bother?

Give Yourself a Boost

If you feel unfocused, fatigued, or stuck, it may stem from a lack of movement and intentional time outside! Spending time outside daily improves our body and mind’s stress recovery, and refreshes us so we may have longer attention spans (Avitt, 2021). You can start improving your wellbeing without outdoors time at any point, however, it has been found that the earlier you begin getting yourself outside the better. Researchers in Denmark conducted a study on 900,000 children ranging from birth to the age of 10 years old. After 18 years of conducting this study, the researchers found that children who were less exposed to time outside in green spaces were 55% more likely to develop mental health strife in adulthood than those who grew up frequently spending time outdoors (Weir, 2020).

Relational Improvement

Spending times outdoors also has the power to better our relationships. Spending time outdoors has been correlated with increased empathy and bonding with others. In a study where green initiatives were implemented in neighborhoods, the residents reported not only having a 41% decrease in depression, but a change in interactions with their neighbors as well (Avitt, 2021). The residents stated there was an increase in positive interactions between them and their neighbors as compared to their interactions prior to the green initiative. Wilderness couple’s therapist Jeff Adorador has found that spending routine time outside with your significant other can prompt stronger cooperation, intimacy and communication within your relationship ( Kwak-Hefferan, 2023).

Furthermore, the outdoors can also improve connectivity for those who are sometimes overstimulated by the task of connecting with other people. Environmental psychologist Matthew White, in a study of people who experience social anxiety, found that one’s desire to connect could be quelled by spending time outdoors (Wier, 2020). White explained, “There are people who don’t necessarily want to spend their time with others, but they feel connected to the natural environment, and that can enhance their well-being.”

How and Where

As psychologists, social workers, environmentalists, and sociologist continue to study the correlation between human health and the outdoors, there’s no set-in-stone recommendation on how often one needs to be outside to reap wholistic benefits to their health and wellbeing. While experts have found the greener (fauna and flora) and bluer (marine spaces) spaces are the higher quality environments for mental restoration (Wier,2020), it has also been proven that increasing your outdoor time, in even in urban spaces, brings more mental stability (Student Conservation Association, 2017). People who increased their time outside by 2 hours a week, whether consecutively or spread out, felt an increase in wellness and motivation (Avitt,2021). Begin forming the habit of being outside by scheduling just 20 minutes every day. Other ways to motivate yourself to get outside hours include: joining a hiking group, designing a more thorough walking schedule for you and your furry friends, signing up for a community gardening project, going on walking dates with friends, planning date nights as a bike ride to a restaurant nearby, or planning some of your weekend meals as picnics!

References

Avitt, A. (2021, March 24). The wellness benefits of the great outdoors. US Forest Service. https://www.fs.usda.gov/features/wellness-benefits-great-outdoors#:~:text=There%20are%20many%20mental%20wellness.

Kwak-Hefferan, E. (2023, April 6). How Time in Nature Can Improve Your Relationship. Outside Online. https://www.outsideonline.com/health/wellness/nature-time-relationship/.

Student Conservation Association. (2017, December 11). How Going Outside Improves Our Mood and Health Even in Winter. Student Conservation Association. https://www.thesca.org/connect/blog/how-going-outside-improves-our-mood-and-health-even-winter/?gclid=CjwKCAjw-b-kBhB-EiwA4fvKrCwFZ22WaNodVUmcyJMrWsNXwWE4YSW2jOzgMAx1o6cX9CaYURKhdRoCBE4QAvD_BwE.

Weir, K. (2020, April 1). Nurtured by nature. American Psychological Association, 51(3). https://www.apa.org/monitor/2020/04/nurtured-nature.

In an ideal world, anxiety would be a figment of our imagination. We wouldn’t know what it feels like to be shaking in fear, or sick to our stomachs with worry. Anxiety would be a distant memory, fear would be a thing of fairy tales, and worry would be a wonder.

Yet, unfortunately, we live in a world riddled with anxiety. A world that is more conducive to creating anxiety rather than minimizing it. Whatever causes your anxiety, you know that it often comes up at inconvenient times. And the world doesn’t exactly stop for our anxiety to be dealt with — we must keep moving. We must go on with our day, we have to go to work, give the presentation, go to the meeting, pick up kids from school, make dinner, and carry on with so many other things in our lives. We don’t always have the luxury of really sitting with our anxiety and working through it in the moment, because anxiety doesn’t wait for your next therapy session. And because life doesn’t stop moving, I’m offering you 5 grounding exercises that may be able to bring you back to the center when you are feeling out of control but need to keep going.

You may have heard of a few of these before, but this post can serve as a reminder and a central location to find what works for you in the moment.

5-4-3-2-1 Method

The 5-4-3-2-1 method is helpful for those moments when you feel out of control. Maybe you feel a panic attack about to come on, and you need to orient yourself to time and place. The goal is to use all 5 of our senses to get grounded in the world around us. Start with identifying 5 objects that you can see, and if you are able, say them out loud. “Lamp, coffee cup, candle, plant, picture frame”. Next, identify 4 things that you can touch, and again, if you are able to say them out loud and physically touch these items, take a moment to hold them in your hand or let your hand rest on them. Then identify 3 things you can hear around you – be it a car driving by, the small talk of coworkers, the sound of a fan whirring, or anything else. If possible, say it out loud and take a moment to listen. Next, pick 2 things you can smell, then breathe deeply as you do to identify what they are. Finally, find 1 thing you can taste. Perhaps it’s a drink of water or a sip of coffee.

Now that you are grounded to the environment around you, I hope you feel a little more comfortable moving to the next task at hand.

Box Breathing

Box breathing grounds us by focusing on our breath rather than the anxious thoughts in our head. For box breathing, each breath will last for 4 seconds. If you can, use your finger to draw a box in the air as you breathe as a visual representation of what you’re doing.

First, if possible, sit with your feet flat on the ground. Take a deep breath for 4 seconds, hold the breath for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, and hold for 4 seconds. Do this for 4 cycles, or as much as you need before returning to the moment you’re in.

Quick Mindfulness

If you regularly turn to mindfulness practices, this next technique can be a great tool during moments of anxiety. If you don’t regularly practice mindfullness, you can try this quick mindfulness exercise as a grounding technique.

If you are able, stand with your feet flat on the floor. Take off your shoes if you’re comfortable with it. Close your eyes and focus your attention on your feet: how do they feel as they make contact with the floor? Now move to your legs. How do they feel? Are they tight? Loose? Stiff? Next focus on your stomach: how does that feel? Move up your body, thinking about every part until you get to the top of your head. Now in review, where do you feel the anxiety the most? Notice what parts of your body hold tension and tightness. Notice your breathing. You don’t need to change anything, just bring your attention to the different areas of your body. Notice how your body feels, what your breathing is like, and where your anxiety is held. And when you feel ready, slowly open your eyes, and re-engage with your everyday life.

Something to Hold

Sometimes, when we are feeling anxious, it can really benefit us to have something tactile in our hands. For some, this may be a fidget toy, a smooth stone, or something you carry with you to provide grounding in times of anxiety. For others, it may be holding a piece of ice or washing your hands for the cool sensation it provides. Finding what works for you can prove to be very beneficial. Having a tactile object can prove to be a quick method of grounding in moments of anxiety, especially when you are in a situation where you’re unable to do a mindfulness or breathing exercise. I wear a ring that my mother gave me, and I often find myself spinning it to remember where I am, and remember her strength. I encourage you to find whatever it is that works for you.

Take a Walk

Sometimes we need to simply get away and take a walk. This can be a walk outside, a walk around the office building, or a walk around your home. Regardless of where, physically getting up and moving your body can help us to ground ourselves in the world around us and reduce anxiety. On your walk, consider incorporating a few stretches, twists, or shakes. Do what feels good to you. As you walk, consider practicing one of the other grounding techniques listed, or some variation of one. Take deep breaths, and pay attention to how your body feels. Do what you can to focus on your physical environment and how your body feels in the moment. There is no need to judge your mind for returning to the anxiety; that’s natural. If your mind wanders towards the source of your anxiety, acknowledge and notice what this feels like, and gently navigate it back to your body.

I’m sure you can think of times where you may have laughed so hard you cried, or your cheeks felt sore from smiling for so long. Maybe you remember the lightness you experienced in your body afterwards. Laughter is a powerful tool we all have available to us that can benefit our emotional and physical health. Laughter, like crying, allows us to release emotions and energy in a healthy way. When we laugh, it has been found that cortisol and epinephrine, two of the body’s stress hormones, are reduced, which can help decrease the intensity of anxiety symptoms. When I am feeling stuck in an endless to-do list or overwhelmed with situations outside of my control, calling a friend or watching a funny dog video can feel like the reset I need. Contemporary research from positive psychology has found a correlation between positive styles of humor and lower perceived stress (Lonczak, 2023). The categorization of positive styles of humor refers to self-enhancing humor meaning humor that does not put yourself down or minimize any struggles you may be facing, but rather allows a reframe and reprieve from negative thoughts. Using humor can help problems feel less daunting, reframing them as obstacles to overcome rather than permanent, impassable “roadblocks”. Along with reducing the level of stress hormones, humor can also increase the production of antibody producing cells, strengthening the immune system. The saying “laughter is the best medicine” is clearly onto something when we are aware of all the impacts it has on our body’s hormones and endorphins.

Laughter and Humor in Therapy

While there are times and places that humor may not always be viewed as “appropriate,” therapy sessions do not fall into that category. That’s right—you’re allowed to laugh in therapy! Humor is a healthy way of expressing ourselves and coping with things we cannot fully make sense of yet. It may even allow you to feel safer with your therapist as your relationship develops

and you begin to dig deeper into the challenges and difficulties you have been facing. This does not mean that you should feel pressured to “make light” of your situation or engage in self-deprecating rhetoric; when we rely too heavily on humor, it can interfere with the deeper work needed for healing. But, when used in small to moderate doses in therapy, humor can allow you to discuss what is troubling you in an accessible way, instead of covering up or suppressing the emotions you may be experiencing. In my experience facilitating groups for those in recovery from substance abuse, I witnessed greater connection and more vulnerable discussion when participants were able to laugh with each other. Laughter, like smiling, is a pro-social behavior that can strengthen your connections and comfort with others. I’d like to share a guided Laughing Meditation and invite you to try it. It may be uncomfortable to begin. The first time I participated in a laughter meditation, I remember feeling slightly embarrassed at first. But after the first few minutes, I couldn’t help but give in to the genuine laughter. I started with a forced laugh and deep breaths, and as I continued to force the laughter I started really laughing, and before I knew it everyone participating in the meditation was in tears from laughing so hard. This is a fun meditation to do with others, especially those you want to re-connect with. Laughing is contagious and brings us together. If you do participate in this meditation, try to bring awareness to the sensations you notice in your body before and after. Notice if you feel lighter or heavier, more relaxed or tense. There isn’t a wrong or right way to feel after this exercise. Of course, laughter and humor are not the answer to every problem, but they are beneficial tools to aid in the therapy and healing journey.

Sources:

Lonczak, H. S. (2023, April 6). Humor in psychology: Coping and laughing your woes away. PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/humor-psychology/

Scott, E. (2020, March 7). How laughter can relieve stress and help your immune system. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/the-stress-management-and-health-benefits-of-laughter-3145084

YouTube. (2020). Laughing Meditation. YouTube. Retrieved June 16, 2023, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqkaOE-2HR8.

Although anger is a prickly emotion to experience, it’s an important one to pay attention to. Anger can be a signal that a boundary needs to be put up or that a need is not being met.  Many people were never taught how to healthily express their anger and have learned to suppress this uncomfortable emotion. When we don’t express our anger in a healthy way or push it down, it can come out in other ways, such as reactivity or rage. Therapy can be a safe place to explore this anger and learn new ways to understand, manage and express it in a productive way. 

What Therapy Might Look Like

Therapy is a place where you can better understand yourself. A therapist can support you in managing your anger by first getting to know it. Where does it show up? What is your response to the feeling of anger? What are the drawbacks of expressing (or not expressing) your anger in this way? From here, your therapist may incorporate tools to help you become more comfortable with the feeling of anger without reacting to it. An example of this might be offering grounding techniques , such as naming the emotion or engaging your senses in some way. 

A Word on Radical Acceptance

Perhaps your feelings of anger stem from a situation or event that is out of your control. Another approach your therapist may use to help you address anger (or any painful emotion) is radical acceptance, a foundational skill taught within Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Radical acceptance means to fully acknowledge the reality of whatever circumstance is causing you distress. This can be applied to a recent death of a family member, a loss of a job, or processing a natural disaster. Although radical acceptance can be an empowering skill to develop in taking back control of your emotions, it is important to note what radical acceptance doesn’t mean. Radical acceptance doesn’t mean you think the situation is acceptable. Radical acceptance doesn’t mean you are throwing in the towel. Radical acceptance doesn’t mean you are sweeping the issue under the rug. Ultimately, radical acceptance can be a valuable tool in managing anger and reactivity by allowing the reality of whatever circumstance you are in to exist, ultimately, diminishing your reaction to it. 

Whether you’re needing guidance to navigate and problem solve the source of your feelings of anger or support in moving toward radical acceptance, you don’t have to do it alone. 

Sources:

DBT Skills List. (n.d.). DBT Self Help. Retrieved March 16, 2023, from https://dbtselfhelp.com/dbt-skills-list/

Frazier, S. N., & Vela, J. (2014). Dialectical behavior therapy for the treatment of anger and aggressive behavior: A review. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 19(2), 156-163. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.avb.2014.02.001

Linehan, M. M.(2015) DBT skills training manual (2nd ed.). New York, NY, US: Guilford Press.

McKay, M., Wood, J. C., & Brantley, J. (2019). The dialectical behavior therapy skills workbook: Practical DBT exercises for learning mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, emotion regulation, and distress tolerance. New Harbinger.

Every year the American Psychological Association (APA) conducts a Stress in America report. The most recent report (2021) showed that among adults employed, Work was the highest source of stress, surpassing Money, Family Responsibilities, and Relationships. And this makes sense! Work is one of the most significant parts of our daily waking lives, has one of the most significant impacts on our quality of life, and can ultimately dictate and shape the rest of our life. Work can be a fantastic experience for people, but unfortunately for many, it’s not. When work stress becomes too much to handle, it can lead to significant burnout.

Burnout occurs after repeated stressors at work do not get resolved. It is a common occurrence because it can be challenging to change your work environment. You’re left at the mercy of needing that paycheck to pay your rent, utilities, and bills, making it hard to speak up out of fear of losing your job.

Signs of burnout

One of the first steps to healing is recognizing the signs that you may be experiencing burnout. Once we can identify this problem, we can start taking steps to recover.

Signs of Burnout may include:

• Too tired to work
• No longer enjoy your job
• Feeling unable to do your job well
• Constantly irritable by coworkers and managers
• Trouble concentrating and focusing
• Feeling emotionally exhausted after each day
• Not feeling connected or engaged with your work
• Feeling cynical about the future of your role or company
• Lack of trust in coworkers or managers

Contributors to burnout

Several things can contribute to burnout and look different from person to person and company to company. In general, when your basic safety and acceptance needs are not met, it’s a sure indicator that burnout is here or on the way.

Some items that could contribute to burnout include:

• Not feeling physically or mentally safe at work
• Working more hours than you should
• Lack of appreciation for the job you’re doing
• Inability to take time off or being made to feel guilty when you do
• Harassment by coworkers or managers
• Gaslighting
• Emotional abuse
• Abuse of power
• Lack of agency or control over your work

Burnout at work can quickly escalate into a downward spiral, where you’re finding it difficult to perform your job well, which could lead to added pressure from managers and more intense burnout symptoms. It’s essential to try to break that cycle to take care of yourself. Additionally, burnout symptoms don’t always end when your shift ends and can easily carry over into the rest of your life, affecting friendships, family, overall health, sleep, diet, exercise, and enjoyment of hobbies.

Defending against burnout

Defending against burnout isn’t always an easy thing to do on our own. There are a few steps that you can start to take and evaluate.

Know that you are not alone and nothing is wrong with you. Burnout is common among working adults, especially in a world of additional stressors.

Set boundaries around work. Work the schedule that works best for you. Try to separate work from the rest of your life. Make sure you have enough time outside work to care for yourself and the rest of your life.

Take care of yourself. Sometimes when work stress gets too high, it’s hard to manage the rest of your life—Check in with yourself on eating healthy, getting enough sleep, and getting some exercise each day.

Explore other job opportunities. When burnout takes too big of a toll, it may be time to find another job. However, not everyone has the privilege or access to do so quickly. There are ways to build skills to help you cope with your current role. One of those is to work with a therapist.

Work with a therapist. If you’re having difficulty feeling motivated at work, exhausted, stressed out, or unable to relax, it may be time to check in with a mental health expert. Many therapists and counselors specialize in Burnout, including the ones here at Better Life.